Sharing Your Feelings

The first point about expressing feelings is that if you (or your listener) have strong emotions that are not talked about, you won't be able to talk about any subject easily.  An emotion that nobody acknowledges has a paralyzing effect on all conversation. Acknowledging the presence of an emotion in part diminishes the paralyzing effect that it would otherwise have.

Here are some practical suggestions:

  1. Try to acknowledge any strong emotion - whether it's your own or your listener's.
  2. Try to describe your feelings rather than simply display them. There's a great deal of difference between saying "I'm feeling really angry today because..." which starts a conversation and simply showing your anger by being curt or rude (which stops conversation).
  3. You are perfectly entitled to feel any way you like!  The way you feel is the way you feel - emotions are not right or wrong. It is only when you try to cover up any strong feeling you have, that problems really become unsolvable.
  4. Don't be afraid to tell the other person how much she or he means to you. Again, in our daily lives we don't often do that. But when there is a crisis, it's really important telling the other person how you feel about them.
  5. Don't be afraid to acknowledge uncertainties. If you don't know how you feel, or if you don't know what is going to happen or how you are going to cope - you should say so. More harm is done by pretending that you do know, than is done by confirming that you don't.
  6. There are many occasions when words aren't needed. Holding someone's hand or hugging or simply sitting together in silence can often achieve as much or more than words once you are both clear about the situation.
  7. Everybody has some regrets in their life.  Don't feel that you are not allowed to express any regrets you feel - more than any other emotion, regret is reduced when it is shared, and may even prove a lasting bond between you and your listener. 
  8. Never be afraid to cry.  Crying is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of sensitivity and of the emotions you feel.  Almost everyone will feel flattered that you feel close enough to them to cry in front of them if that's what you feel like. So if you do feel that way, don't feel that you are supposed to bottle it all up. 

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This page was last updated: October 27th, 2004 at 10:06am.